Before diving into the reasons why spanking is unbiblical, let me start with the disclaimer that I am not a Bible scholar, parent, or psychologist. For that reason, I don’t have the personal experience some of you who are reading this might have.
I do, however, have seven years of professional childcare experience and I am a Christian who has been reading the Bible since early childhood.
I did not do the below studies myself, since I’m not a developmental psychologist or researcher. Instead, I collected it through many hours of study to share as secondary research here.
For a long time, I have thought that this topic desperately needs to be addressed more often in the Christian community.
Because of a faulty interpretation of a few verses in one book of the Bible, decades of physical and psychological harm to young children has occurred.
For that reason, I decided to take the opportunity to share my thoughts on the research I have done over the last decade of my life. I went back and forth, unsure if I should publish this to my blog because it isn’t health related. Then I realized that because it does affect the wellbeing of children in a big way, I should post it anyway.
Without further ado: why spanking is unbiblical and how to stop relying on it.
Let’s talk about context for a moment.
The only book of the Bible with any content that has been used to support the spanking of children is Proverbs. That’s a problem.
The most important themes in scripture can be found throughout it – supporting, explaining, and building on one another. Quite a few apocryphal books were never included in a biblical canon for the primary reason that they introduced doctrines that aren’t supported by the rest of scripture. If we’re thinking in the context of how scripture works as a whole, it doesn’t make sense that Proverbs – a legitimate book of the Bible – would introduce a significant commandment that isn’t supported anywhere else in scripture, in the Old or New Testament. For that reason, it’s important to consider what Proverbs might be saying that is supported by the rest of scripture.
Another factor involving context is that Proverbs is a collection of ancient metaphorical and symbolic poetry. When taken literally, the text appears to say things it does not actually mean.
For example, throughout Proverbs, the author refers to “wisdom” as a woman. One such verse, Proverbs 1:20-21, says, “ Wisdom calls aloud outside; she raises her voice in the open square. She cries out in the chief concourses, at the openings in the gates of the city she speaks her words.” Taken in context, this is a skilled use of the literary device personification, used for style and to make a point. If instead we were to take that passage literally, one would infer that that Bible says there is a literal woman named wisdom who we should listen to, which is not true.
Similarly, Proverbs 14:24 says, “The crown of the wise is their riches…”. Does the author of Proverbs mean that the wise wear their riches as a literal crown on their heads? Of course not. Taken in context, it’s apparent that the verse means that the honor and fruit (which “crown” symbolizes) of the wise is their riches.
When examining the following verses that have been historically used to support the spanking of children, it makes sense in the symbolic context of Proverbs that “rod” is possibly not literal, but a symbol for something else of much greater importance.
To fully understand, it’s important to look at the meaning of some of these commonly misinterpreted words in their original language.
- 1. Proverbs 13:24 says, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Isolated from its context, it makes sense why it might be interpreted as a commandment for parents to spank their children. With a bit of examination, though, it does not stand up to scrutiny.
“His rod” is the English translation of a derivative of the Hebrew word shebet, which depending on the context can mean tribe or tribes, scepter, spear, club, rod, staff, or correction (source). In the context of the verse, it’s apparent that the word shebet must mean rod, staff, and/or correction.
But what were the rod and staff used for during that time period among the Israelites? To hit children for their wrongdoings?
Actually, no. The rod and staff were multipurpose instruments that could be used interchangeably as a walking stick, crutch, support, and for shepherds – to guide their sheep, count their sheep, defend their sheep against predators, and pull them out of or steer them away from dangerous situations (source). It makes sense that the author of Proverbs would use this word in this context, because parents, as shepherds of their children, should guide and protect their children, and steer them away from harm.
We can also take a look at the Hebrew word musar, translated to the English “discipline”. Depending on the context, it could mean discipline, chastening, bond, instruction, or correction (source). In context with “rod” meaning a shepherd’s staff, it makes sense that musar likely means instruction or correction, because that is exactly what a shepherd’s staff, in the hands of a loving shepherd, does for the sheep.
Reading Proverbs 13:24 this way, in English it would say something like, “Whoever spares the shepherd’s staff hates their children, but the one who loves them is careful to instruct them.”
This is congruent with Proverbs 22:6 which says, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
Proverbs 1:8-9 also affirms this interpretation: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.”
- 2. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”
It uses the same words as Proverbs 13:24, shebet and musar.
Using the interpretation we discussed above, in English it would read closer to, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but instruction from the shepherd’s staff (a symbol for guidance) will drive it far away.”
- 3. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”
It also uses the word shebet, and instead of musar, it uses the Hebrew word tokachath, which means chastening or reproof (source). Chasten as a verb means to have a restraining or moderating effect on something.
Using this interpretation, the verse in English would read something like, “A shepherd’s staff and chastening (to cause restraint or moderation) impart wisdom, but a child sent his own way brings shame on its mother.”
Interpreted as above, all of these verses in Proverbs are congruent with the meaning imparted in Psalm 23:4: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
The author is not comforted by the shepherd’s (God’s) rod and staff because they hit him, but because they guide him in the right direction and protect him from harm.
Proverbs 3:5-6 also affirms this interpretation: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
- 4. The last verse that Christians use to promote the spanking of children is Proverbs 23:13-14, which says “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.”
It needs to be interpreted a bit differently than the others, because it adds a new word that is often translated to English as strike or punish.
While it still uses the Hebrew words musar and shebet, it also includes the word nakah, which means smite, overthrow, defeat, slay, destroy, strike, beat, taken, wounded, thrust, drove, conquer, attack, or even kill depending on the context and tense (source). Based on the context of shebet being a shepherd’s staff, the meaning of nakah as “strike” doesn’t fit well, because shepherds didn’t hit their sheep.
In context with shebet and the other supporting verses, Proverbs 23:13-14 might be better understood in English as, “Do not withhold instruction from a youth; if you conquer them (move them from their own way to the right path) with your shepherd’s staff, they will not die. Rather, moving them from their own way to the right path with your shepherd’s staff saves them from death.”
This interpretation makes sense, and it’s congruent with all of the other verses we discussed above.
Another interesting nugget of information is that 3 out of 4 of these verses use the word naar as their subject, which does not mean child or children. Naar in nearly every context means young man, or a person of late adolescent or young adult age (source).
As I have demonstrated, the verses in Proverbs about the rod of correction do not mean to spank your son or daughter, but Christian interpretation (that Proverbs commands parents to spank their young children while they are still too young to listen to reason) has it doubly wrong.
The author of Proverbs is not even referring to young children, but late adolescents and young adults. So not only does the text not involve spanking, it doesn’t involve young children either.
That being said, was the rod or staff (shebet) ever used to strike anyone in ancient culture?
Yes, but not children. In scripture, the only instances are as follows:
- A punishment for servants (and even that one verse does not command or recommend it; it is about what should happen to the offender who beats his servant with a rod to the point of disability or death)
- A weapon of attack in war, against an enemy
- A weapon of defense, against a predator
- A sentence for citizens of a kingdom who were convicted of wrongdoing by trial (source).
In light of the evidence, it appears corporal punishment was a cultural practice done to errant adults, and even then it was rare and controlled, because offenders who went beyond the acceptable limits of the culture were punished with heavy fines. Corporal punishment is not a commandment in scripture, and it is certainly not a commandment in scripture referring to little children.
Probably the most enlightening evidence is that observant Jews don’t typically interpret Proverbs to command the spanking of children either, but to recommend strength and consistency (like a staff) in one’s parenting (source).
So, if scripture doesn’t tell us to spank children, what does it say?
Summarizing the breakdown above, spanking is unbiblical because Proverbs tells parents to protect, guide, correct, instruct, and chasten their children, steering them in the right direction so that they do not turn away from it in their old age – not to hit them.
What does the rest of scripture have to say about the treatment of children? Let’s take a look.
Matthew 19:14, “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.’”
Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter (cause someone to feel bitter or resentful) your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Matthew 18:6, “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”
Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
These are just a few passages from scripture, but speak volumes about how Christians should approach the upbringing of their children.
Secular culture stopped believing in the benefit of corporal punishment long before Christian families began to catch on.
Why? For one, because they don’t read the Bible they avoid the faulty interpretation of Proverbs, and for two, psychological studies have shown for years that corporal punishment does not benefit children and only causes harm, even increasing the likelihood of violent behavior in adulthood (source).
You might be wondering, if everyone you know thinks spanking is the only way to raise a well-behaved child, how could the opposite possibly be true?
The answer is partly because children mirror the behavior they see, also known as learning by example.
This means if a parent hits (or “spanks”) a child in response to a behavior he or she doesn’t approve of, the child will learn by example that it is appropriate to hit others when another person does something that he or she doesn’t like (read more here).
Similarly, if a parent yells or screams when they’re upset, the child will mirror that behavior and yell or scream when they’re upset. A child isn’t born knowing how to work through difficult emotions; it must be demonstrated to them.
It’s also because corporal punishment is based on aversive (classical) conditioning.
Aversive conditioning where the aversive stimulus is spanking means a child who is spanked only learns to stop behaviors his or her parents believe to be negative because the child fears the pain of being hit, not because the child learns why the behavior is wrong or why they shouldn’t do it (read more here).
A primary reason spanking poses a risk for serious harm is because when spanking is an option for a parent, it can become a knee-jerk response to frustration or anger at their child (read more here). While spanking is always painful, violating, and psychologically damaging, when parents spank in the heat of anger it increases the odds of inflicting serious physical harm on the child.
Spanking is also humiliating, and some child psychology experts argue that it’s physically violating, because when you think about the practice objectively – pulling a child’s pants down and striking their body – not only is it inappropriate, it’s a total violation of their body autonomy (source 1, 2). It teaches children that it is okay for people to take advantage of their vulnerability and do something to their body against their will. Later in life, that can increase the odds of a person accepting physical or sexual abuse in a relationship as normal.
In addition to “the Bible says so” and “spanking is the only way to raise a well-behaved child”, another popular argument for spanking is, “I was spanked and I turned out fine.”
This is essentially an argument that spanking is acceptable because it is traditional, and people have done it for a long time and lived to tell about it.
That’s easy to point out as a logical fallacy, because a lot of unethical practices against children used to be traditional and considered acceptable, and many of the children who had these practices inflicted on them lived to tell about it.
These include horrifying, unthinkable practices nobody at the time thought twice about – such as child labor (in servitude, coal mines, and factories especially), child indentured servitude and slavery, arranged marriages of child brides, and putting beggar children caught stealing food on trial as adult criminals.
Just because people have done it for a long time doesn’t mean we should ignore the real meaning of the rod and staff in Proverbs, or ignore the ample research child psychologists have done that proves spanking children is harmful.
Another question to consider is, what does “fine” really mean?
Simply having a steady job or career, a degree, a place to live, a long term relationship, and/or children doesn’t mean you turned out fine.
Do you find yourself fearful of or intimidated by people in a position of authority over you? Or, on the flip side, do you find yourself often angry or resentful of people in a position of authority over you?
Do you find yourself either pushing difficult emotions down and relying on your tough exterior so you don’t have to deal with them, or having emotional explosions that you can’t seem to control?
Do you have a hard time setting and maintaining boundaries? Or, perhaps, do you have a hard time respecting other people’s boundaries?
Are you hyper self-reliant, refusing to accept any input or help from others because you’re determined to be in control of your own life and not let anyone else tell you what to do?
Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, do you struggle with autonomy of thought? Where it’s extremely difficult to form opinions, make decisions, or do anything without the input and help of others to guide you?
Do you struggle to identify and work through your emotions as they come up? Do you have anger problems you don’t know what to do with?
Is it difficult to gauge when someone’s behavior towards you becomes inappropriate or downright abusive? Do you blame yourself when another person treats you badly, thinking you must have done something to trigger them and that you should do better next time so they don’t hurt you?
Do you take constructive criticism badly, either by getting defensive and upset, or by feeling a heavy sense of guilt for having disappointed the person who confronted you?
Is it difficult to separate a person’s reaction to you from an objective sense of right and wrong? If you objectively did the right thing in a conflict, would you still feel you must have done something wrong if the other person gets upset with you?
All of the above are signs you may have been raised with aversive classical conditioning and corporal punishment and that you experienced developmental and psychological damage as a result of your upbringing (source 1, 2, 3, 4).
Perhaps it’s time to rethink the response, “I turned out fine”.
In closing, I want to share a few effective things parents can do instead of spanking.
Pay close attention to your child’s behavioral cues.
A lot of “bad behavior” in early childhood is normal behavior for their age, especially when they are hungry, tired, thirsty, lonely, disappointed, sad, confused, caught off guard, upset, overstimulated, or understimulated. Neither their brains nor their language are developed enough to respond to the above situations in a more mature way, like older children and adults can.
Try giving them several options to choose from, like outfits, snacks, or activities, to create a sense of responsibility and autonomy.
Ask them, “Would you like to go take a nap now, or in five minutes?” They will always say five minutes, but it gives them a sense of autonomy because they technically decided when they would stop playing and take a nap.
Take them outside to play or organize a fun activity if they are understimulated (or bouncing off the walls).
Bring them home/inside to read, rest, or do quiet activities if they are overstimulated.
Keep a schedule with adequate naps, snacks, and water whenever possible.
Consistency is key. Tell them “no” and remove them from the situation they are not supposed to be in every time they do something you have told them not to do. They will eventually get the message, but it takes time because they are so little. They will test you, but that’s an important part of their brain development. You can say “no” and physically prevent them from doing something they should not do without hitting/spanking.
Have a flexible schedule.
A schedule that is structured enough to give stability while being flexible enough to allow for the ebb and flow of everyday life helps a lot. Try giving young children several warnings before they will have to change activities. If they know what to expect and when, their brains will have time to process changes in activity and that prevents meltdowns a lot of the time.
If a meltdown happens, take the child to a safe place as soon as you can, where they can calm down.
Try to reinforce the idea that “time outs” are a positive tool for calming down when they are upset, not that they are a punishment to be avoided at all costs.
As soon as they begin to develop the ability, teach children to use their words when they are upset, and then listen to their words, express understanding and empathy, and respond. This is not giving in to what they want, but rather teaching them how to work through conflict and negative emotions appropriately from an early age.
Teaching that actions = consequences from an early age is important, such as, if they won’t be kind to their friend who is over for a playdate, the friend will not be able to stay.
With older children and teens, parents can try to reaffirm the concept of actions = consequences by providing relevant consequences when needed. One of the most important things to do with older children is to talk to them openly, and create a healthy space for discussion, where they can come to you with their concerns, problems, upset emotions, and questions respectfully, and you respond. Teaching mutual respect is key, as is explaining the why behind what you and they should and should not do.
These are just a few among hundreds of ideas that child psychologists and other experts have shared online, ones that I have used successfully for years in my professional childcare work. I encourage any parent or person thinking about becoming a parent to research and develop an idea of the parenting strategies that they feel will work for their family.
Child rearing is HARD, so please don’t mistake the above suggestions as dismissing that.
Sometimes it feels like nothing is working and there is no end in sight to the frustration. I know that is a very real and overwhelming experience for most parents. I don’t share these tips so as to suggest that it’s easy to raise children well. Quite the contrary. Parenting is so hard that I want to share what developmental psychologists recommend and what has consistently worked for me, to help parents and caregivers gather a toolbox of strategies that will be a positive source of help in their child rearing journey.
One thing I think about a lot is how hard it can be for older generations to accept that spanking is unbiblical and harmful, because they already raised their children that way, doing the best parenting job they could with what they knew at the time.
I think it’s important for these people to remember that acceptance doesn’t need to involve condemnation and guilt about the past. Instead, acceptance can be the springboard for positive change for their grandchildren, if they have them, and the generations to come.
